just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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