our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
