This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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