M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize