and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
