she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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