She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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