Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
