So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
