thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
