oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
