Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
