Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
