tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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