i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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