Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
