we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
