I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
