Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
