my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
