i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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