But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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