so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
