Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
