Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize