I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
