I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
