Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
