If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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