All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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