non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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