Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
