It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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