if you like me you must not know who I am
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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