The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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