we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
