my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
