shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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