that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
