Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
