You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The air was thick with penises
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
