remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
