then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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