I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
