3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
