Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
