Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
