What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
