Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
