It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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