this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize