At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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