Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
