Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
