Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
