You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize