Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
