is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
