Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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