addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
