The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
