Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
