I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
