If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
