I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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