Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
