I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
