Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
