i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
