I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
