i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
