It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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