I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
