you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
