look no pants
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Princesses don't give blow jobs
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
