I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
