We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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