Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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